Fairness is such an odd expectation. Many of us believe that the world should be a fair place. It should be, but the reality is that it’s not. Some are born into wealth, others poverty. It is just a fact that we are not born into equal opportunities and we don’t have the same strengths and weaknesses. It is not a right or wrong, it is just the way things are. This is our reality.
Despite this, the odds are not stacked against you. It doesn’t matter where you have found yourself, you can change the portions of life that are causing you distress. You are not helpless. You can change these things in most cases.
There are a lot of opportunities in life. But the question is, can we recognize these? We need to take the time and figure out what beliefs are causing us barriers. There are a lot of things we believe that are not necessarily true. The most common ones are the beliefs we have about ourselves. We have prejudices about our own abilities and worth. “I am not good enough.” “I am too stupid.” “I don’t deserve success or happiness.” They come out in our self-talk.
This self-talk creates a prison. The bars are beliefs, our subconscious and desires. They wrap about us just as effectively as actual bars and keep us locked in place. We even tell ourselves untruths rather than take risk. “I have to stay in this job that I hate because I need the money.” Many people will then try to make the best of the situation and live depressed and unhappy. This leaves them largely unprepared for change. The fact is things change. Be ready for it.
Along with opportunities in life, there are traps. Sometimes these traps form slowly. There is a story that is often told about if you put a frog in hot water, it will leap out. If you turn up the heat slowly, it will stay in the water until it’s cooked. Life can be like that. Things build and build, and we put off dealing with things as they occur and then we look around and we are trapped in a circle of problems that finally all connected trapping us and creating despair.
Why do I mention all these things? Change cannot happen if we believe we are helpless and have no way out. Being able to recognize these traps is the first step in finding true inner peace. What are some of these traps? Alcohol, gambling, shopping, taking on debt larger than our income’s ability to pay off and in some cases staying in an unhealthy relationship.
Life is an adventure to be experienced. It is going to happen so do you choose to live it in despair or happiness? The first step as I said is to recognize the traps around us and in front of us. The second is beginning to recognize opportunities for what they are and have the courage to reach out and grab them once we recognize them. This is the start of your journey into happiness and inner peace.
If you need help on this journey, I would love to assist you. I have four openings for this week. I offer a free consultation to see if we would be a good match and to define what you are looking for from a coach. Just reach out and contact me.
Have a great day and keep your eyes open.
Inner Peace and Happiness Coach
Fear and Peace
Fear is an emotional tool for the body. It prompts the flight, fight or freeze phenomena. This tool became part of the survival mechanism. Yet today, many of us have paralyzing fears that have nothing to do with our physical survival. Because it is part of our survival mechanism means that some fears are healthy and constructive.
Constructive fears can prompt action; things like studying, humility and motivation. It proceeds many personality changes, increased confidence and increased authority. These fears are instruments of change and progression. .
Destructive fears are fears that hold us back. It includes things like public speaking, being in crowds, failure or loss of respect, fame or fortune. It is often induced by lies we tell ourselves. That means the basic fuel of fear is deception. You have to confront those lies head on with truths. Often these fears originate from an event in our past and could go back as far as childhood.
So the first thing you can do reduce destructive fear is self-talk. We are born naturally cynical so you have to work to have that more positive mindset. Affirmations are used throughout the business world and have been proven to work. It is a major step in bringing peace into your life. Replacing these lies that rule us with positive outcome statements can create measurable change.
You can also replace the cynical mindset by watching what information you consume. If all you read, hear and see is negative, it will be almost impossible to create that positive mindset. You have control of your input. What you read, watch on videos or t.v. and in some cases music makes a difference in your outlook and attitude. Work to make most of these inputs positive.
Prayer or meditation is another tool that works well for many people. Focusing your energy on positive outcomes, visualization exercises of you without the fear and mindfulness are just a few ways to take that more meditative state.
The last thing you can do is face your fears. You won't grow if you jut try to stay comfortable. Let's take the fear of crowds, the more you react to this fear the greater it becomes. It can grow so strong that eventually you won't want to leave the house. Giving yourself short exposure to a crowd and then working to increase the time we can remain surrounded will slowly eliminate the fear.
Finding peace means giving up fears that lead to worry. Worry destroys inner peace. One of the ways to reduce worry is giving up a vested interest in the outcome. This will not work for fears that relate to our physical survival or the loss of someone we love. When you do what you can where you can and let go of the aspects you cannot control, you will increase inner peace.
If you do not know how to let go of a worry, I offer a 1/2 hour session that teaches a technique to at least reduce the amount of stress from fear and worry. This class is only $59. I am so sure it will work that I will offer a money back guarantee. If my techniques does not reduce or refocus your worries after four uses, I will gladly return the teaching fee.
If you would like book a session just send me a message from my contact page at creategoodliving.com.
So many of my clients over the last 10 plus years have come to me in a great deal of stress. They speak of needing to keep up, wanting a promotion or a raise. So they work long hours and often bring work home.
The brain is not made to stay under constant stress like this. Such stresses release a hormone called cortisol. High levels of cortisol damage the hippocampus, the area of the brain responsible for learning and memory. This is why vacations are so important. Your brain only works at maximum efficiency when it has down time. This can be found through new adventures, restful sleep and even exercise.
There are many theories about who we are when we are born. There are theories that state humans are born evil and others that we are good. I subscribe to the theory that humans are born with potentials, what we do with them determines whether we are good, evil, lazy or productive.
We may never access all our potentials but they are there. You can see this in the amazing artist that only took some high school art classes or the individual that can take an engine apart and put it back together without a manual. There are those that can stand in front of crowds and speak without distress.
To discover these potentials the first thing you need to do is make a commitment to personal development. You won't find these potentials if you are not looking for them. The easiest way is to explore who you are and what your strengths are in your day to day life.
The next thing you can do is to keep a success list. Keep your to do lists, write down what you did today that weren't on your list. These lists have two benefits, the first is that when you are losing confidence you can look back over all the successes you have had no matter how large or small. They help strengthen confidence.
The second thing they are good for is identifying potentials. What type of items do you tend to be drawn to when starting your lists? Is there a trend of items that are easier or more enjoyable? These are connected to your inner potentials.
The last thing I want to leave you with is to not compare yourself to other people. We each have a different combination of inner potentials. Some things are just going to come easier to another person and some things will be easier for you. Compare yourself only to your own goals, tasks and achievement. Work to make today better than yesterday.
What are your potentials? What do you know you are good at and seems to come easier for you? I would love to hear what they are. You can always message me or post a comment.
Have a great day!
Life has setbacks, it is just a fact. Sometimes we fall or have the rug pulled out from under us. This happens to most of us at some point. The problem is that people can get fixated on a failure or set back and not recover for months if not years. This gets in the way of happiness and inner peace.
You must let these things go. I know, easier said than done. It is necessary if you want to achieve your life goals and find a little joy on the way. So then, how do you do this?
The first step is to accept that the setback happened. Maybe a business idea bombed, or a partner gave up on the idea. You can’t change these things once they have happened. The goal at this point is to accept your reality. Getting stuck on what should have been or what someone or something else did wrong is a waste of your time and energy. It won’t change what happened.
The next step is to realize that you are not alone. Surround yourself with supportive people and those trying to achieve the same goal. You will find that if you share a setback among this group that many will step forward with ideas of how to overcome the setback and the assurance that this has happened to them as well.
Another action to take is to analyze the situation. Is this a setback or is the idea/goal you are trying to realize just not one that is going to work? Sometimes realizing that we need to change our goal is as important as not giving up. It can be devastating to continue to bump your head against a wall that just won’t move. It is important to take the time to look at the situation and make sure that this is a stuck door over a solid wall.
Now, roll up your sleeves. Maybe it was an immovable wall. So what! If you are passionate about your business idea or goal, find another door. Passion has removed more obstacles than can be counted. I found in becoming a freelance coach that I was my biggest obstacle. My passion eventually overruled my fear.
Realize that most goals in life cannot be achieved overnight. Things that are worthwhile usually take a great deal of time. Don’t let yourself get frustrated if your timeline is turning out to be slower than you desire. If you are passionate and your goal worthwhile, it will be just as fulfilling a year from now as a month from now would be. You may just have to make some other short-term goals to fill the gap until the long-term goal is a realization.
Every time you trip or have a setback towards a goal, learn from it. You may learn fifteen ways something won’t work before you find the right path that does. Remember these lessons for future goals and desires. It is hard to trip up. It is worse to keep tripping over the same obstacle over and over. Learn from your experiences and grow! The bottom line is you haven’t truly failed unless you give up!
When thinking of habits, most people only think of bad habits. We have good habits as well. A good habit is any routine behavior that is good for our mental or physical health. There are so many of them out there. Exercise done regularly is considered a good habit. For some, morning readings are their healthy habit. You should make a list of how many good habits you have in your life. Often, we focus only on what is wrong in our life and forget to take stock of what is right.
There are some people out there that eat all the right things, find time in their schedule to run five miles and meditate to manage stress. I envy them. Some days, I wonder where the day went and why am I hungry? One of the things I have learned is that regardless of whether you are a CEO or running a household with active children, there are still things that all of us can do to stay healthier.
First and foremost, eat things that are nature made. Even if you are at your goal weight, this is just good advice. So many foods in society today taste amazing, but they leave you with breakouts, fatigue and crashes. Many of our modern-day illnesses were rare until we started messing with nature’s food supply.
One of the things you can do is shop only the outside of the grocery store except for staples such as spices or grains. If you think about it, most grocery stores are laid out in such a manner that if you go around the outside wall you have produce, meat, dairy, fish and bakery. Avoid man made products such as sugared cereal, box mixes and sugared juices. All most all are found in the inner isles.
Exercise if you are able when you are able. There are many articles out there on 5-minute workouts, office workouts or exercises you can do between calls and clients. If you are not able, move. There are movement exercises out there that even available to people in wheelchairs. Even just standing up regularly and doing some simple stretches is better than sitting all day. Of course, you should always check with a doctor and remain within their parameters.
Movement helps with fatigue and mental health. There are now studies that show that regular body movement is helpful to mental health and stability. This makes movement doubly important to self-care as it targets two important factors, body and mind.
Self-care should target your mental health from other angles as well. Reading to keep comprehension and your ability to analyze sharp. Quiet moments, whether meditation or just breathing deeply, are necessary to lower stress and re-center. Learning is important as well. The mind has a desire for knowledge; read up on your latest project, hobby or interest.
You also need to practice self-care spiritually. I am speaking beyond religious practices. We all have an inner sense of “I” that is not there when a person is deceased. You can’t do an autopsy and find it. It doesn’t matter what you call it: neurons firing, soul, spirit or sense of being, it needs self-care as well. It is so important that I offer a course on the benefits and roadblocks to spiritual self-care in my coaching program.
The bottom line is, however, that spiritual self-care is any ritual or practice that you do to take care of that inner you. Not your ego or your personality, but the true you behind fear or doubt. It can include rituals and religious practices, but not everyone has a belief system around religion.
Here are some ideas in addition or instead of religious practices. Meditation is not only good for mental health but spiritual health as well. Contemplation of life beyond our own daily existence is also a good activity. Finding your purpose and living in accordance with it also brings a great deal of joy and inner peace. Connecting with something larger than you. This could be as simple as nature or as large as your identified higher power.
The goal in self-care is to achieve a sense of being balanced. Feeling good in your own body and mind so that you can take on the challenges that life throws your way. Take time for yourself, it will payoff in the long run. I hope you have a great day!
You are unique. Each of us is born with inner potential. Like the child who can draw without an art lesson. The mechanic who can put a car together without a manual. We often call this second nature. Each of us has potentials that are unique to what makes us... well us. Finding these can help strengthen our self-love no matter how small.
Do you have a way with children? Can you write? Do you speak well in public? Are you social and a hold people together kind of person? These are all potentials. They don’t have to be things that make us stars though they can be. Sit down and make a list of things you are good at no matter how small. Get to know the person behind all the beliefs and habits.
Honestly face your self-imposed obstacles. How do you get in your own way? Then look for the belief behind that. Are you afraid of what people will say? Are you afraid of making a mistake? Finding the belief behind the obstacles is the only way to work on them. Once you have identified the belief, you can begin to work on replacing it with a new belief.
Forgive yourself. All of us make mistakes. To hold ourselves up to being perfect is an unrealistic belief. Look at your mistakes, find what there is to learn from them and then don’t repeat them. Other than that, let them go. Yes, this takes some practice.
Surround yourself with loving people. It is almost impossible to love yourself if you are surrounded by others with self-hate and outward animosity. Move away from those relationships and towards people who bring feelings of positivity, peace and love into your life. It will make all the other pieces of the puzzle much easier to achieve.
Have a prosperous day!
There are so many things in life that we can do to make our life better. Most of us keep waiting for that big open door to step through where life is so much better on the other side. There is no magic door. There are doors of opportunity but if you are looking for one door to make everything better, you will be waiting forever. This is evident by the amount of those who win the lottery and are not happy after the initial thrill wears off, some even go bankrupt.
This series of letters is going to build off ten topic starters. Over the next two weeks, I will be expanding on the following topics.
1. Love yourself! Way easier said than done. Learning to be happy with who we are in any given moment takes letting go of the past. It takes letting go of unreal expectations and learning to except things as they are. This doesn’t mean we don’t try to become better but loving yourself for who you are today is a vital step to inner peace and happiness.
Personal Life Coach, Cheryl Matthynssens, offers free tips and activities to improve inner peace and fulfillment in life.