When I get a call to take on a new client for coaching, I know the number one thing they are looking for is to feel better. It will be worded many ways, but most will boil down to this need. A good portion of my clients want happiness all the time. Happy all the time is something I will never be able to teach or coach. I can help people heal other areas or gain skills that can lead to happiness. The problem lies in a client not becoming happy and giving up far too soon.
So how do you feel better?
The first thing you need to do is step back and discover what is happiness to you. The second thing is realizing that emotions don’t come from outside us, they come from the inside. Chasing after the new house, new clothes, or new car will only bring short term happiness. There is always something new to look at and say, “if I had that, I would be happy.”
Let’s take losing weight. You must look at what will be different if you are slimmer? What will stay the same? It will help you look at any goal.
One thing that many don’t understand is that all feelings are connected to thoughts. Ask yourself what you are thinking when you are happy? How about safe? How about secure? If you believe a thought, it will create a feeling. If you are not feeling something you want to feel, look at what you are thinking. If you want to change the feeling, you need to focus on something that will distract you or change what you are thinking. Here is the hard line. Everything you feel is a choice.
One tool you can use is called the magical question. Let’s say your want is financial security. Let’s also say you won the lottery. One of the questions I will ask my clients is what would be the first thing you noticed that next morning that was different? I may have to push for a second thing or a third. What I am looking for is an item/activity that they can start doing right now. This simple task creates change in feelings.
Another tool you can use is to write down the top three feelings you notice in your life. Next, look at what you are often thinking about for each feeling. Finally, write down the top three feelings you want to feel. What do you need to do to sort this out?
If you are in need of help working on this, reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org or through the website Creategoodliving.com