Finding Deeper Meaning - Cheri Matthynssens - Speaker and Personal Inner Peace Coach

Trauma Response is Normal

8/12/2019

A lot of people who experience trauma and then find themselves jumping at sounds, panicking at a bonfire or even dropping into isolation and depression, ask 'what is wrong with me?' The honest answer... absolutely nothing. These reactions will occur when the body interprets an event to be threatening, or thought to be harmful.

The body is designed to either "flight, freeze or fight" when it senses it is in danger. That is why some people when asked why they did not run will shamefully reply that they couldn't. It is the truth, if the flight mechanism is freeze, they cannot move.

I experienced this with a cougar once. My brain was screaming to go back in the house but I couldn't move a muscle. I was frozen. I couldn't understand why my body would not respond to the thought "I WANT TO LEAVE."

The body will respond to the thought 'I am danger.' It doesn't matter how the event occurred. It doesn't matter if it is a loss of job, robbery, house fire or natural disaster. There are some traumas that wound on a much deeper level. These are often harmful childhood events or violence from someone we love or have loved.

The problem arises when the body becomes hyper-vigilant. Much like a deer being hunted, we will look around wildly and the body becomes ready for one of the danger responses when something is perceived as potentially dangerous. You can see this in action when some returning soldiers goes to a 4th of July celebration and then drops to the ground at the first explosion. His body has trained for this trigger and will fall back to it even when there is no threat.

See, we have two types of brain. A new brain and an old brain. The old brain holds the responses to danger. The new brain analyzes if there is really danger. The old brain gets signals faster than the new brain can process. So the thought 'I am at fireworks' doesn't occur till the soldier is already on the ground.

This is why many coaches and definitely counselors teach grounding techniques to give the new brain time to catch up with the old brain. It is only after the new brain activates that a person can discern if there is actual danger.

There is a book out that talks about this phenomena and if not cared for, what the stress does to the body. It is great and I highly recommend it.

Is Happiness Real?

7/22/2019

Happiness encompasses a lot of other words and psychologists have been trying to pin it down for decades. It is a broad word that includes contentment, cheerfulness, joy, high spirits, well-being and more. Positive messages and fun memes will not in and of themselves create happiness. However, positive affirmations sure don’t hurt.
Research around the globe has found that most people rate happiness as more important than a meaningful life, becoming rich or even getting into heaven. They have even connected happy states such as feeling fulfilled and having a positive outlook to physical health. Feelings such as these seem to benefit blood pressure, the immune system and more. It has even been linked to a longer life span.

How To Make Every Day Your Perfect Day By Raising Your Vibration!

6/6/2019

Brainwave entrainment

It is one thing that a few people swear it works, a few people think it’s B.S. and most, do not understand.

If you’re among those that have heard about this before but don’t know what it is or how it works, I don’t blame you. Google this and you’ll get a complicated scientific explanation.

You’ll learn about frequencies and brainwaves and how the brain works and many other things that make your head spin. I’m surprised that you aren’t required to have a PhD to learn about brainwave entrainment, because honestly, it feels that complicated sometimes and I’m one person who knows how to do this right.

So instead of giving you another complex definition of this, with theta and gamma states, I’ll ask you a basic question.

Have you ever had moments in your life when you felt like you “attracted” good luck?

Impatience can be a barrier to goals.

5/13/2019

Impatience as defined means to refuse to endure or to suffer. Many of us suffer from a lack of patience. This is especially harmful for goals as many people in the face of impatience or a need for instance gratification give up.
The most common cause of this is not accepting the way the world is in that moment. Sure, we can work together to change the world and we should. But when you are working on a goal, the reality around you now is what you must overcome and cope within life.
You can really see someone rail against this reality in traffic. Despite studies showing that zig zagging through traffic does really get you where you were going that much faster. It is measured in seconds not minutes. People will still risk accidents darting in and out of traffic or tailgating because they get impatient with the people driving around them.
When things are not going well or you can feel the minutes ticking by, what you are experiencing is a slowing of time. Yet if you really paid attention to the actual time spent, it is not as long as it feels. Sitting for three minutes in stop and go traffic can feel like thirty.
Impatience often leads to anger and anger is never productive. It can create a why bother attitude and that is very dangerous to goal completion. When you catch yourself being impatient, ask yourself what the real problem is. It is usually some lack of acceptance of our reality in that moment. You cannot stick with goals and achieve them if you don’t work on them in your actual reality versus the way things should be.
What can you do about it? First, identify where you are railing at your reality and see if anything in that is under your control to change. If it is not, then you need to find ways to occupy your time while you wait. Come to face this reality, often people, traffic and time will not follow your desires.
What do you get impatient with? I would love to see your answers. My big one is waiting in lines.

Inner Peace is Not What Most Think!

4/18/2019

There is a misconception about Inner Peace that impacts a lot of people. It is often thought that if you have inner peace than you are always passive, and life becomes pretty dull. This is not the truth, inner peace leaves you feeling alive and rejuvenated.

Here is how Wikipedia defines it:
"Inner peace (or peace of mind) refers to a state of being mentally and spiritually at peace, with enough knowledge and understanding to keep oneself strong in the face of discord or stress. Being 'at peace' is considered by many to be healthy and the opposite of being stressed or anxious."

Maintaining Goal Progress

4/2/2019

Maintaining Goal Progression.

A lot of people set goals. A lot of people have a dream that could become a goal if written down using smart goal criteria. It is great, all these goals floating about. But what happens to a goal say three months down the road?

The truth? Most people give up on their goals as they don’t have a way of measuring progress, so it feels like you are getting nowhere. So many people give up on goals just short of achieving them. Part of this is self-sabotage, feeling like they don’t deserve it or are not using anything to track progress.

Having a method to track progress let’s you re-evaluate your goal if you are falling behind. Maybe you set the goal time line to short due to not knowing some steps you would need to take. Life happens. Goal dates sometimes must be moved back due to a current life situation.

Goal completion dates are not set in stone for almost all goals. If you miss a goal date, you haven’t failed. You just need to revamp your goals.

The first step to maintaining progress on your goal happens back in the beginning when you set your goals. You must set SMART goals.

Powerless Feelings Can Happen For to Anyone

3/14/2019

Powerless… this word is usually attached to addicts as it is in their 12 step program. The truth is that many of us struggle with this feeling. It occurs when a person repeatedly tries to use the same techniques to try to get control of hang-ups and bad habits. Until we admit we are powereless in this cycle and ask for help, stress and anxiety will rise.

Four Techniques you can use to break free of this harmful cycle.

Stop denying you can go it alone, don’t need help, or am “fine.” So many people hide when they are stuck because they don’t want to look weak or admit they have made major mistakes so they cover it up.
Stop terminal uniqueness. This occurs when an individual has convinced themselves that their problems are so unique that others would not ever understand. They believe they are so different it is killing them.
ASK FOR HELP. As a coach, I often hear that the individual reached out to me after exhausting all other avenues except one… asking other’s for help.
Except and use the ideas. A lot of time people will seek a coach and then be unwilling to apply any of the suggested fixes.

Denial Effects More Than Addicts

3/5/2019

People hear the word denial and they immediately assume that we are talking about addicts. Denial is rearing its ugly head in a lot of other situations: Divorce, Sexual Abuse, codependency, domestic violence, food addiction and gambling addiction just to name a few.

Ask yourself these questions:
Are you letting the past prevent you from moving forward? Am I afraid to change? What are my fears for the future? Most everyone carries some baggage in their life as they are moving forward. For some it might be a lunch box or a little bag, but a lot of us have baggage that would fit in a railroad car. Imagine this for a moment. What container would you need to put the hurts and trials away? If it is a backpack, you may struggle a little going forward but you can move. If it is something like a trunk you must carry around, you aren’t going to be able to move far. If it is a shipping container that you are chained to, you can’t move forward at all.

There is a complication that goes with this baggage. Denial! I have met people who will look me dead in the eye and tell me that they have no baggage. Yet, I can see the cargo container they are trying to drag around. Denial keeps us locked to our baggage and secrets. Most secrets cause more harm than good.

Denial is a system of false beliefs that are not based in reality. As we grew up, we learned coping skills that helped us deal with pain. The problem happens as we grow up. If we are still using the coping skills we clung to as a child, our perceptions of ourselves can become clouded and distorted.

Denial can appear many ways and is often the elephant in the room that everyone pretends is not there. It can sound like:

It really didn’t hurt that bad and he apologized.
If you weren’t on my case constantly I wouldn’t…
If we pretend it didn’t happen, it will go away.
Becky has been married three times, I have only been married once.
I eat because you make me angry.
These are just a few that can appear outside addictive behaviors such as alcohol and drugs. It is denial. The wounds you carry won’t heal by pretending they didn’t happen. They just won’t. They may be pushed way down, but they will raise their heads now and then. Usually at the worst possible times.

A major symptom of denial is anxiety. Anxiety can cause a waste of energy and paralyze us. You must let them go. Seek your higher power, a counselor or someone who is ahead of you on the journey back into peace and happiness.

I am a life coach and can help. However, situations such as child abuse, sexual assault and depression require a mental health counselor to help pull up those beliefs and find out what is holding you back.

Mindset is Crucial to Success

2/21/2019

Mindset is required for success in meeting life goals. You may not see the fruit from the steps you are taking action on each day, but those steps make a difference in the long run.

Goals require you to commit to something in your life whether it is something you want outside yourself or what you want inside yourself. A lot of people say someday but it never seems to make onto the list of today.

Chose to commit to a better life today.

February 19th, 2019

2/19/2019

When I get a call to take on a new client for coaching, I know the number one thing they are looking for is to feel better. It will be worded many ways, but most will boil down to this need. A good portion of my clients want happiness all the time. Happy all the time is something I will never be able to teach or coach. I can help people heal other areas or gain skills that can lead to happiness. The problem lies in a client not becoming happy and giving up far too soon.

So how do you feel better?

The first thing you need to do is step back and discover what is happiness to you. The second thing is realizing that emotions don’t come from outside us, they come from the inside. Chasing after the new house, new clothes, or new car will only bring short term happiness. There is always something new to look at and say, “if I had that, I would be happy.”

Let’s take losing weight. You must look at what will be different if you are slimmer? What will stay the same? It will help you look at any goal.

One thing that many don’t understand is that all feelings are connected to thoughts. Ask yourself what you are thinking when you are happy? How about safe? How about secure? If you believe a thought, it will create a feeling. If you are not feeling something you want to feel, look at what you are thinking. If you want to change the feeling, you need to focus on something that will distract you or change what you are thinking. Here is the hard line. Everything you feel is a choice.

One tool you can use is called the magical question. Let’s say your want is financial security. Let’s also say you won the lottery. One of the questions I will ask my clients is what would be the first thing you noticed that next morning that was different? I may have to push for a second thing or a third. What I am looking for is an item/activity that they can start doing right now. This simple task creates change in feelings.

Another tool you can use is to write down the top three feelings you notice in your life. Next, look at what you are often thinking about for each feeling. Finally, write down the top three feelings you want to feel. What do you need to do to sort this out?

If you are in need of help working on this, reach out to me at balanceguide@gmail.com or through the website Creategoodliving.com
Cheryl Matthynssens