Finding Deeper Meaning - Cheri Matthynssens - Speaker and Personal Inner Peace Coach

Inner Peace is Not What Most Think!

4/18/2019

There is a misconception about Inner Peace that impacts a lot of people. It is often thought that if you have inner peace than you are always passive, and life becomes pretty dull. This is not the truth, inner peace leaves you feeling alive and rejuvenated.

Here is how Wikipedia defines it:
"Inner peace (or peace of mind) refers to a state of being mentally and spiritually at peace, with enough knowledge and understanding to keep oneself strong in the face of discord or stress. Being 'at peace' is considered by many to be healthy and the opposite of being stressed or anxious."

Maintaining Goal Progress

4/2/2019

Maintaining Goal Progression.

A lot of people set goals. A lot of people have a dream that could become a goal if written down using smart goal criteria. It is great, all these goals floating about. But what happens to a goal say three months down the road?

The truth? Most people give up on their goals as they don’t have a way of measuring progress, so it feels like you are getting nowhere. So many people give up on goals just short of achieving them. Part of this is self-sabotage, feeling like they don’t deserve it or are not using anything to track progress.

Having a method to track progress let’s you re-evaluate your goal if you are falling behind. Maybe you set the goal time line to short due to not knowing some steps you would need to take. Life happens. Goal dates sometimes must be moved back due to a current life situation.

Goal completion dates are not set in stone for almost all goals. If you miss a goal date, you haven’t failed. You just need to revamp your goals.

The first step to maintaining progress on your goal happens back in the beginning when you set your goals. You must set SMART goals.

Powerless Feelings Can Happen For to Anyone

3/14/2019

Powerless… this word is usually attached to addicts as it is in their 12 step program. The truth is that many of us struggle with this feeling. It occurs when a person repeatedly tries to use the same techniques to try to get control of hang-ups and bad habits. Until we admit we are powereless in this cycle and ask for help, stress and anxiety will rise.

Four Techniques you can use to break free of this harmful cycle.

Stop denying you can go it alone, don’t need help, or am “fine.” So many people hide when they are stuck because they don’t want to look weak or admit they have made major mistakes so they cover it up.
Stop terminal uniqueness. This occurs when an individual has convinced themselves that their problems are so unique that others would not ever understand. They believe they are so different it is killing them.
ASK FOR HELP. As a coach, I often hear that the individual reached out to me after exhausting all other avenues except one… asking other’s for help.
Except and use the ideas. A lot of time people will seek a coach and then be unwilling to apply any of the suggested fixes.

Denial Effects More Than Addicts

3/5/2019

People hear the word denial and they immediately assume that we are talking about addicts. Denial is rearing its ugly head in a lot of other situations: Divorce, Sexual Abuse, codependency, domestic violence, food addiction and gambling addiction just to name a few.

Ask yourself these questions:
Are you letting the past prevent you from moving forward? Am I afraid to change? What are my fears for the future? Most everyone carries some baggage in their life as they are moving forward. For some it might be a lunch box or a little bag, but a lot of us have baggage that would fit in a railroad car. Imagine this for a moment. What container would you need to put the hurts and trials away? If it is a backpack, you may struggle a little going forward but you can move. If it is something like a trunk you must carry around, you aren’t going to be able to move far. If it is a shipping container that you are chained to, you can’t move forward at all.

There is a complication that goes with this baggage. Denial! I have met people who will look me dead in the eye and tell me that they have no baggage. Yet, I can see the cargo container they are trying to drag around. Denial keeps us locked to our baggage and secrets. Most secrets cause more harm than good.

Denial is a system of false beliefs that are not based in reality. As we grew up, we learned coping skills that helped us deal with pain. The problem happens as we grow up. If we are still using the coping skills we clung to as a child, our perceptions of ourselves can become clouded and distorted.

Denial can appear many ways and is often the elephant in the room that everyone pretends is not there. It can sound like:

It really didn’t hurt that bad and he apologized.
If you weren’t on my case constantly I wouldn’t…
If we pretend it didn’t happen, it will go away.
Becky has been married three times, I have only been married once.
I eat because you make me angry.
These are just a few that can appear outside addictive behaviors such as alcohol and drugs. It is denial. The wounds you carry won’t heal by pretending they didn’t happen. They just won’t. They may be pushed way down, but they will raise their heads now and then. Usually at the worst possible times.

A major symptom of denial is anxiety. Anxiety can cause a waste of energy and paralyze us. You must let them go. Seek your higher power, a counselor or someone who is ahead of you on the journey back into peace and happiness.

I am a life coach and can help. However, situations such as child abuse, sexual assault and depression require a mental health counselor to help pull up those beliefs and find out what is holding you back.

Mindset is Crucial to Success

2/21/2019

Mindset is required for success in meeting life goals. You may not see the fruit from the steps you are taking action on each day, but those steps make a difference in the long run.

Goals require you to commit to something in your life whether it is something you want outside yourself or what you want inside yourself. A lot of people say someday but it never seems to make onto the list of today.

Chose to commit to a better life today.

February 19th, 2019

2/19/2019

When I get a call to take on a new client for coaching, I know the number one thing they are looking for is to feel better. It will be worded many ways, but most will boil down to this need. A good portion of my clients want happiness all the time. Happy all the time is something I will never be able to teach or coach. I can help people heal other areas or gain skills that can lead to happiness. The problem lies in a client not becoming happy and giving up far too soon.

So how do you feel better?

The first thing you need to do is step back and discover what is happiness to you. The second thing is realizing that emotions don’t come from outside us, they come from the inside. Chasing after the new house, new clothes, or new car will only bring short term happiness. There is always something new to look at and say, “if I had that, I would be happy.”

Let’s take losing weight. You must look at what will be different if you are slimmer? What will stay the same? It will help you look at any goal.

One thing that many don’t understand is that all feelings are connected to thoughts. Ask yourself what you are thinking when you are happy? How about safe? How about secure? If you believe a thought, it will create a feeling. If you are not feeling something you want to feel, look at what you are thinking. If you want to change the feeling, you need to focus on something that will distract you or change what you are thinking. Here is the hard line. Everything you feel is a choice.

One tool you can use is called the magical question. Let’s say your want is financial security. Let’s also say you won the lottery. One of the questions I will ask my clients is what would be the first thing you noticed that next morning that was different? I may have to push for a second thing or a third. What I am looking for is an item/activity that they can start doing right now. This simple task creates change in feelings.

Another tool you can use is to write down the top three feelings you notice in your life. Next, look at what you are often thinking about for each feeling. Finally, write down the top three feelings you want to feel. What do you need to do to sort this out?

If you are in need of help working on this, reach out to me at balanceguide@gmail.com or through the website Creategoodliving.com
Cheryl Matthynssens

What do Mushrooms and Business Have in Common?

2/15/2019

How does mushroom picking and life relate?
I used to work in Search and Rescue when I was younger. We would sometimes be called out for a mushroom picker that was hunting in the woods and hadn’t returned. The northwest woods are expansive and rugged, so searching them is not always an easy task. The mushroom picker is one of the harder people to find. Unlike other lost individuals, the mushroom picker makes an erratic path. “There’s one. Oh look, over there is another one.” They can travel deep into the forest this way. The next thing they know, they are lost and don’t know which way their vehicle lies.

This way of searching for mushrooms is not that different from individuals who are always chasing the next great idea. If I am not watchful, I too can fall victim to this thinking. If you are working to increase your income and chasing the next new thing, good ideas can get left behind.

Did You Know That There is a Type of Stress That is Good for You?

2/10/2019

What if we had a world with no distress? What do you think that would look like? What if you at least limited your own distress?

We need some stress for motivation. There is eustress which psychologists have discovered to be motivating. Clinical psychiatrist Dr. Michael Genovese says we rarely think of stress as a positive thing, but eustress is just that — positive stress. “Exciting or stressful events cause a chemical response in the body,” he explained.

It is the stress associated with preparing for a vacation, upcoming promotion or any endeavor that challenges us but does not use all our resources. It impacts us physically, emotionally and psychologically.

In contrast, distress is a negative form of stress. It occurs when an event causes us to feel anxiety, sorrow or pain. It is usually extreme but not long lasting. This may not be the case if you have a straight anxiety disorder.

Emotional Baggage

2/4/2019

I was putting away suitcases from holiday and work travel. As I emptied out the little odds and ends it got me to thinking about emotional baggage. According to the urban dictionary the word baggage now has additional meaning beyond a container used to travel. It states that painful memories, mistrust and hurt carried around from past sexual or emotional rejection.

All of us have baggage. But for a visual example, some of us have little paper bags and others are running around trying to pull cargo containers with them. What is your bag? Is it a backpack, a suitcase or more? A fun way to find this is to sit down with colored pencils and draw a picture of yourself chained to a container big enough to hold all your rejections, hurts and even false beliefs getting in the way of your happiness.

We need to clean out our container. If you are chained to it and it is bigger than a backpack you are not going to have a very easy time moving forward in life. It anchors you and demands your attention. Your experiences have to filter through all that. If your container is large, the reality comes out distorted.

New Year's Resolutions Need a Plan

12/30/2018

It is the time of year where many make New Year’s resolutions. There is nothing wrong with setting a resolution. It gives you a goal to achieve. If we compare this to a road trip across the country, we have a set destination we wish to arrive at. Without a plan to get there or asking for directions one could wander in a whole different destination. You need a road map even if it is on your phone.

When setting resolutions, look at them from these viewpoints. Is it specific so that you know exactly what you want and what it would look like to be there? You also want to look at whether it is reasonable? Is it completely under your control? It is almost impossible to achieve a goal if part of it is not in your control and the uncontrolled part is not headed in the same direction as you are.